Id Give Up Everything I Had for Us to Be Together Again
Dear songs are where we get our passion, our soul — and most of our worst ideas.
Nothing good tin come up of this. Photo by Achim Voss/Flickr.
Throughout homo history, oceans have been crossed, mountains have been scaled, and dandy families take blossomed — all considering of a few simple chords and a tune that inflamed a heart and propelled information technology on a noble, romantic mission.
On the other hand, that time y'all told that girl you lot just started seeing that you would "take hold of a grenade" for her? You did that considering of a dearest song. And information technology wasn't exactly a coincidence that she suddenly decided to "lose your number" and move back to Milwaukee to "figure some stuff out."
"It's simply, my mom. You lot know? And L.A. is and so hot in the summer. And aye, my mom." Photograph via iStock.
That time you lot held that smash box over your caput outside your ex'due south house? You did that because of a dear song. And 50 hours of community service later, y'all're still non back together.
Dearest songs are great. They make our hearts beat faster. They inspire us to take risks and put our feelings on the line. And they requite us terrible, terrible ideas well-nigh how actual, existent-life human relationships should work.
They're astonishing. So astonishing. And as well terrible.
Here are six love songs that sound romantic but aren't, and i song that doesn't sound romantic only totally is:
1. "God Simply Knows," by The Beach Boys
You can keep your "Surfin' Safaris," your "I Get Arounds," and your "Help me Rhondas."
When it comes to The Beach Boys, "God Only Knows" is where it'south at. A lush garden of soft horns and breezy melody. A tie-dye swirl of sound. A landscape of haunted innocence with some of the most heartrending lyrics ever committed to the back of a surfboard.
Youth! Youth! Youth! Photo by Hulton Archive/Getty Images.
Here's why information technology sounds romantic:
I may non always love you lot
But long every bit at that place are stars in a higher place y'all
You never demand to doubt it
I'll make you so sure about it
God just knows what I'd exist without y'all
If you lot're traipsing through a meadow in a sundress with your dearest and not playing "God Merely Knows" on your iPod, you should really stop and start over.
If yous're lazily bumping a beach ball over a volleyball net and "God But Knows" isn't playing somewhere in the dorsum of your mind, you lot demand to rethink the choices that got you to this betoken.
If y'all're a video editor compiling footage of grainy hippies frolicking in the mud and you lot're not underscoring it with the opening chords of "God But Knows," you are doing it wrong.
Hippies, likely on their way to a mud frolic. Photo by Colin Davey/Getty Images.
It'south a vocal that just feels similar honey. Pure honey. Young love. Love with a chill, kelp-y vibe.
What could be wrong with that?
Here'south why it's really really, really unromantic:
There's nothing wrong with loving someone. Sending them flowers. Leaving over-the-height notes in their P.O. boxes. Stroking their hair as they fall comatose while yous whisper the complete works of Nicholas Sparks into their ear.
"Miles Ryan stood on the dorsum porch of his house, smoking a cigarette..." Photo by hatchettebookgroup.biz.
But in that location is such a thing equally loving someone a skosh as well much.
If you should ever leave me
Though life would still go on believe me
The world could show nothing to me
And so what proficient would living do me?
Expect, I get information technology. Breakups suck. There's no getting effectually that. But skillful God.
There'southward a huge divergence between maxim: "Hey infant, you are my first and foremost everything and I'll exist bummed if you go." And saying: "Welp, you accepted that task in Seattle, so I'one thousand just gonna chug a bunch of nightshade and call it a life."
But that'southward pretty much the gist here. Which makes this line...
God only knows what I'd be without you
...horror-picture creepy. Because the answer, obviously, is: "I'd be a corpse!"
Ah well. We had a good run. Photo via iStock.
That'southward not dearest. That'southward codependency (to put it mildly). Oh, and hey! Threatening to kill yourself if your partner leaves isn't loving. It's a form of emotional abuse.
Investing all your happiness and sense of self-worth in any human relationship — one that, by definition, might i 24-hour interval end — is putting a lot of eggs in one handbasket. Sure, God may only know what you lot'd be without her, just God probably also hopes you accept, I don't know, some hobbies. Have a yoga course. Google some woodworking videos. Try kite surfing.
"Yeah! Hell yep! What was her name again?" Photo by Jim Semlor/Federal Highway Administration.
One person cannot be anyone's be-all and end-all. It'due south as well stressful. And it prevents you from doing you, which is a thing that's gotta exist washed before you can do anything else.
No wonder she took that job in Seattle.
2. "Treasure," past Bruno Mars
Sure, it'due south a blatant rip off of every Michael Jackson song y'all've ever heard. Just, we don't have Michael Jackson anymore, and as tribute acts go, you could practice a lot worse than Bruno Mars.
Look at that face. That face! Photo by Brothers Le/Flickr.
Here'south why the vocal sounds romantic:
Treasure, that is what you are
Honey, you're my gilt star
Y'all know you tin can brand my wish come true
If you permit me treasure you
If yous allow me treasure y'all
Pass those lyrics to anyone on a used napkin at an eighth-grade make-out party and you'll likely get an instant toll pass on the highway to tongue-town (ew).
Pass them to your spouse and, chances are, date night is going to culminate in 47 minutes of chaste-even so-passionate frenching.
Laissez passer them to a cop who pulls you over for running a stop sign, and they will think you're weird — only probably nevertheless brand out with you.
In fact, Bruno Mars basically has a lifetime pass to make out with America because of this vocal.
This is what happens when you write "Treasure" and you're on phase with Michelle Obama. Photo by Mandel Ngan/Getty Images.
And I'yard OK with that.
But, hither's why "Treasure" isn't as romantic every bit it seems:
Everything about "Treasure" is retro. Everything.
Including its attitudes about gender.
"Children, have I ever told you lot what I shouted at your female parent on the street the commencement fourth dimension we met?" Photo by Jacobsen/Getty Images.
Things showtime to go south right from the very offset:
Requite me your, give me your, give me your attention, infant
I gotta tell you a trivial something about yourself
Ah yes. Nothing screams "respect" quite similar a man lecturing a strange woman on the street nigh something she "doesn't know virtually herself."
What could it be? Could it exist that her jokes are funny? Could it be that she's got something in her teeth? Could it be that her nonfiction volume about early modern German history is extremely detailed and informative?
"Thanks for teaching me all about Martin Luther'south bible!" Photograph by Torsten Schleese/Wikimedia Commons.
Spoiler Alarm: It's none of those.
You're wonderful, flawless, ooh, you're a sexy lady
But you walk around hither like you wanna be someone else
Oh. It's that she'due south sexy. Cool, bro. Very original.
Discussion of advice? Regardless of how she's walking, the lady knows she's sexy. Even if she doesn't, it really doesn't affect her solar day-to-day and so much that you, a consummate stranger, need to shout information technology at her (fifty-fifty over a funky disco snare).
So what if she does want to be someone else? I'd love to be someone else! I call back beingness Ryan Gosling would be quite nice. A good manner to spend a iii-twenty-four hour period weekend.
Sure, at that place'd be an adjustment menstruum... Photo by Eamonn Grand. McCormack/Getty Images.
And then later, of course, the narrator can't help himself:
Pretty girl, pretty girl, pretty girl, you should be smiling
A girl similar you should never expect so blue.
He respects her so much, he's actually straight-upwards telling her to smile! Much like Mars' character "Uptown Funk," who appears to get off on angrily exhorting girls to "hit [their] hallelujah." Which, you know, I guess everybody'due south got a thing.
Yes, in the world of "Treasure," a healthy relationship is an unending stream of a man complimenting a strange adult female and said woman existence so totally flattered that she immediately dispenses "the sexual practice."
He then proceeds to talk to his potential lover similar the globe's creepiest pirate:
Y'all are my treasure, you are my treasure
You are my treasure, yes, you, yous, yous, yous are
You are my treasure, you are my treasure
You are my treasure, yeah, you, you, you, you are
By this betoken, in his heed, she's a literal affair. An object. Which is fitting.
I suppose it could be worse, though. At least she'southward not just any thing.
GIF from "The Two Towers."
That'south ... something, right?
3. "Don't Think Twice, Information technology'southward All Right," by Bob Dylan
For as long as humans take been dating each other, humans accept been breaking upwards with each other. And "Don't Think Twice" is a portrait of a relationship going downwards in flames. Glorious, poetic, acoustic flames.
Bob Dylan, a guy who is expert at writing songs that a lot of people like. Photograph by William Lovelace/Getty Images.
Here's why it sounds romantic:
Well, it own't no use to sit and wonder why, infant
Even you lot don't know by now
And it own't no use to sit and wonder why, babe
Information technology'll never exercise somehow
When your rooster crows at the pause of dawn
Wait out your window, and I'll exist gone
Yous're the reason I'm a-traveling on
Only don't call up twice, it's all right.
Boom. Strummed on out of that friends-with-benefits situation similar whoa.
"Don't Think Twice" is a raw song. An honest song. A powerful song. Information technology'south the song your older sister played on continuous loop for half dozen months after her boyfriend left for higher. The song that convinced your Aunt Roslyn to get out her bank-teller job, load her 4 Australian shepherds into the van, and open a current of air chime store in Mendocino. The song your friend's absurd dad ever wants to play when he invited your high schoolhouse ring over to his apartment to jam.
"What timbre are you looking for?" Photo by Sharon Ang/Pixabay.
Sure, it's about the end of a relationship, but it sounds romantic. And at the cease of the day, shouldn't that be enough?
Here's why information technology'south really sooooo messed upwards:
Relationships cease. For a lot of reasons. And while at that place is no right way to telephone call it quits with someone, when the dust settles, both parties can certainly benefit from a difficult, honest discussion about what went wrong.
It's not me, Joan. It'southward y'all. 100% you. Photo by Rowland Scherman/Getty Images.
In "Don't Think Twice," that word basically boils down to: "Information technology's your mistake."
Let's review the reasons the dude in "Don't Think Twice" is splitting with his lady friend:
I gave her my heart, but she wanted my soul
Ugh, women, right? You lot're all like, "Infant, I just accept so much unspecified love to give," and she's like, "Take out the trash!" And you're like, "Simply baaaaaaabe, shouldn't my heart be plenty?" And she's like, "No, seriously. I already did the laundry, cleaned the whole house, fed the canis familiaris, did the dishes, and made both of our lunches for the week. All I need you to do is take out the trash." And you're like, "Yous're aimless me out. I'm gonna get play guitar." And then she gets all mad! What did you lot do? Why is she trying to alter you? UGH!
You lot could accept done better, but I don't heed
Yes. You do mind! You listen! You wrote a song about it, you passive-aggressive prick.
Y'all only kinda wasted my precious fourth dimension
Ah yes. Your fourth dimension is so precious! Recollect well-nigh all the hours you wasted plumbing the ocean-deep, ecstatic mysteries of homo partnership when yous could have been futzing around with that dwelling-mash kit.
Yes, this was worth information technology. Photo by Bill Bradford/Flickr.
The minute you lot showtime breaking it down, the message of "Don't Think Twice" suddenly starts to seem a lot less romantic. Similar your sis'south ex-beau, who worked at the Bass Pro Shop in town for a while and at present might exist in jail. Similar your aunt's wind chime store, which would have airtight forever ago had she not received that inheritance from her mom in the '80s. Like your friend's cool dad, who wasn't exactly, technically, paying child back up.
"You lot kids desire a beer? No i's nether 13, right?" Photo via iStock.
Oh yeah, and the song'southward narrator also point-blank refers woman he's leaving as:
A child, I'm told
That's right. In addition to existence a run-of-the-mill passive-aggressive jerk — turns out, he'south also possibly a pedophile.
Even if nosotros are to accept that this is a metaphor and she's non actually a kid — which in that location'due south no indication it is, but OK, Bob Dylan — the fact that Commitmentphobe Gunderson here would willingly choose an immature partner reflects way more than poorly on him than it does on her.
Breaking up with anyone in such a cruel, dismissive way is a recipe for sticking them with years of therapy bills.
Which, I suppose, may exist the signal.
4. "Leaving on a Jet Plane," past John Denver
Who has two thumbs and wrote a bittersweet folk song nearly hurtling through the stratosphere in a giant aluminum tube at 600 miles per hour?
This guy. Photo past Hughes Television Network/Wikimedia Commons.
Here'south why information technology sounds romantic:
"Leaving on a Jet Airplane" is a lovely song. And impressive in its loveliness because jet planes were still kind of new at the time it was written.
'Cause I'grand leavin' on a jet airplane
To a modern ear, this would be sort of similar singing, "I'1000 a scoooting away on my hoverboooooard," but in a way that'due south somehow notwithstanding folksy and heartbreaking and singable past 9-year-olds at summer camp. Not easy to practise!
Oh baby, I hate to go
You meet — he hates to go! He just hates it! We know this, because he tells us he hates it. And why would he hate to go if he didn't beloved his partner merely that much?
Encounter ya! Photograph past Altair78/Wikimedia Eatables.
Why indeed?
Here'southward why it'south actually non that romantic at all:
All the plaintive guitar, loping bass line, and twangy, melancholy warbling in the earth can only distract so much from the fact that the song'south main character is well, kind of a jerkweed.
And in reality — surprise surprise! — it doesn't actually seem like he hates existence away all that much:
There's so many times I've let you down
So many times I've played around
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing
"Baby, I promise! All the movies I watched lone while you were habitation nursing the quadruplets. All the times I drained our life savings on Zoo Zillionaire. All the random sex I had with other women. Totally meaningless. Certainly fun to do! Really fun. Like, I had a fantastic fourth dimension. But remainder assured — completely empty, in an ontological sense."
"As empty as this bed I just finished having sex with someone else in." Photo via iStock.
Yeah, when y'all break it down, "Leaving on a Jet Plane," is less of a passionate tribute to love overcoming distance and more the deluded ramblings of a guy who needs to convince himself he'south "good" despite all bear witness to the opposite.
And for all he claims to be broken upwards about having to office from his one and but, the dude seems pretty excited nigh the flight. Oh, you're leaving on a jet aeroplane, are y'all? Are you Zone ane? Gonna humblebrag on Twitter about the "terrible" Cibo limited salad you lot were forced to choke down as you lot sat waiting to embark on your fun, mysterious take a chance?
"Life and so difficult @ LGA #missingmybabe." Photo past Gesalbte/Wikimedia Eatables.
He continues:
Ev'ry place I get, I'll think of you
Ev'ry song I sing, I'll sing for y'all
Ah cool. He'll recall about her while strumming and making "my dear is frail as the morning dew" eyes at a waif-y grad educatee in the front row. That pretty much makes up for information technology all.
Then he demands:
And then buss me and grinning for me
Tell me that yous'll wait for me
After all the betrayal and heartbreak, subsequently basically revealing himself to exist a grade-A sleaze who tin't be trusted, he yet has the gall to tell her to wait? To wait for him?
And here's the kicker:
When I come dorsum, I'll bring your wedding ring
Ah yep. He'll put a ring on it. Finally.
"Ehhhhhhh...." Photograph via iStock.
Unlike all the previous trips, where he'south cheated a billion times, drained the family banking company account, and but been a full general screwup and disappointment.
But yeah. This time he says he'll bring back a wedding ceremony ring.
I hope she joins a polyamorous octad and never looks back.
v. "When a Human being Loves a Woman," Percy Sledge
When you expect up "soul" in the dictionary, the book plays you a recording of this song.
Percy Sledge, having a few thoughts. Photo by Factor Pugh/Flickr.
Specifically, it plays you the very first line.
Here'southward why it audio very romantic:
When a man loves a woman
Certain, you can write the lyrics downward, only information technology doesn't even come up close to capturing the heartache. The yearning. The delicious, delicious pain-belting:
WHEN A MAN LOVES A Adult female
Closer ... but still no.
WHEN A MAAAAAAAN. LOVES A WOOOMAN!
Yep! Sing it, Percy Sledge!
It's an elemental lyric.
Information technology's a heart-shattering lyric.
Information technology'due south a lyric that demands you put your back into it.
It's perfection.
As long as yous don't keep listening.
Here'south why the song is really pretty horrifying:
From the opening lines of "When a Man Loves a Adult female," nosotros know that, at least on occasion, a homo loves a woman.
Which raises the question: What happens when said man loves said adult female?
He'd surrender all his comforts
And slumber out in the rain
If she said that's the way
It ought to be.
Whoa! OK. No. Back up. A man, no matter how devoted, no matter how selfless, no matter how in love, needs shelter. Otherwise, a man will die of exposure and hypothermia.
Plough his back on his best friend if he put her downwardly.
No! Jeez. No. A man tin can't put upward with that kind of isolating beliefs. A man needs friends! One time a homo's whole support system erodes out from under him, a man will be bitter, ungrounded, and alone. And a human's mental wellness will deteriorate.
I gave yous everything I take
Tryin' to hold on to your heartless love
Infant, please don't care for me bad.
This is not what happens "when a man loves a woman." It's what happens when a man loves a controlling, manipulative woman. An abusive woman. A adult female who, in truth, only loves a woman. Herself.
"It's Chris or me." Photo by geralt/Pixabay.
And that's not healthy.
Run, Percy Sledge, run! We're here for you.
(Side note: Lest it become unsaid, in that location is fashion more than i way for a man to love a woman. Maybe they spend every waking moment cuddling and bopping each other on the nose. Maybe they sleep in split bedrooms. Perhaps they apparel up in large, plush true cat costumes and refer to each other Mr. and Mrs. Kittyhawk. And when a man loves a man, I imagine it feels much the same. Or when a adult female loves a woman. Or when a gender nonconforming person loves a gender nonconforming person.)
Regardless of the depth of delivery, living situation, or combination of genders or sexual orientations, there's no i-size-fits-all love solution. Every relationship is a unique snowflake. Variety is the spice of life. Necessity is the mother of invention. In that location's more than ane way to skin a cat. A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down.
It doesn't matter if it's the right metaphor, every bit long as it's a metaphor. Photo by Rosmarie Voegtli/Flickr.
Point being: Generalize at your peril, Sledge. And please, seek help! You can practice this! And if you ever find yourself in a similar situation, please give these people a call.
six. "All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You," Heart
Honestly, Heart could sing a list of the most popular AllRecipes ("Jaaaamie's Cranberry Spinach Saaaaalad/World's Best Lasaaaaagna/Sour Creeeeeam Cutouts") and information technology would brand me want to bawl my eyes out in the arms of a tall, nighttime stranger at the cease of a pier.
This song is perfect. You should always be listening to information technology. If you lot're not listening to it now, smack yourself in the face and Google information technology. It's but that important.
I am singing the telephone book. Y'all are weeping similar a tiny baby. Photograph past FatCat125/Wikimedia Commons.
So much passion. So much pain. So much pilus.
Here'due south why it sounds romantic:
Over pounding drums and a soaring melody, Heart sisters Nancy and Ann Wilson evangelize a key tribute to the i true romantic fantasy shared by every living being on Earth: picking up an unnervingly bonny man for ane night of mind-bravado sexual practice and and so releasing him back into the wild to bone — but never quite as compellingly e'er over again.
They sing:
It was a rainy night when he came into sight
Standing by the road, no umbrella, no glaze
And so I pulled up alongside and I offered him a ride
He accepted with a smile so we collection for a while
I don't take to keep because y'all know what happens next, and it's awesome.
"I but sit in this cabin. Counting the days since. Counting ... the ... days." Photo past Rene Asmussen/Pexels.
Now, hither's why this song is not romantic at all:
The relationship in "All I Wanna Do" seems likewise good to be true. And it is. Considering it'south not an every bit loving ,or even equally brawny, pairing at all.
It's a...
It'south a...
Well. You know what it is:
Proficient at recognizing no-win situations and delicious with lemon?! Photo by Pikawil/Flickr.
For a while, things are bustling forth just fine, like any wholesome, illicit, bearding affair should:
I didn't inquire him his name, this alone boy in the rain
Fate, tell me information technology'south correct, is this beloved at showtime sight?
Certain, many of usa might hesitate to pick up a strange leather-jacket-clad human continuing on the side of the road for a no-strings-attached screw, but our narrator just has a feeling about this guy, and sometimes, yous gotta go with your gut.
I can respect that.
Nosotros made magic that dark
He did everything right
Peachy! Seems like it was a good conclusion. Bonking the hitchhiker is payin' off big fourth dimension.
But then, without warning, the song starts to sound less like an all-time great romance and more like a story men'southward rights activists tell each other equally they vape around a bivouac:
I told him "I am the bloom, you are the seed
We walked in the garden, we planted a tree
Don't try to notice me, delight don't you dare
Merely alive in my memory, you'll always be there"
I'yard non a poet. Symbolic linguistic communication ofttimes eludes me. But unless "flower," "seed," "garden," and "tree," suddenly mean wildly different things in the context of homo reproduction than they accept since sexual activity was first invented in the early on-1970s, we're talking nigh a surprise, not-mutually-consensual pregnancy!
How-do-you-do! Photo by Avsar Aras/Wikimedia Commons.
Of course, metaphors are opaque, interpretations vary, etc., etc., etc. You lot might be tempted to retrieve, "Maybe Centre meant something else by that."
To that I say, no, they definitely meant information technology:
Then information technology happened one day
We came round the same way
You lot can imagine his surprise
When he saw his own eyes
In that location are two possibilities here.
One: The narrator of the vocal is recently-deceased Jerry Orbach from this creepy New York Metropolis subway advertizing from nine years ago:
Photograph past eyedonation.org.
Or 2: She totally conned a dude into whipping upward a infant on the sly.
I said, "Delight, please understand
Ah, certain. Aye. No worries.
I'm in beloved with another man
Cool, so this all makes sense and is in no way the nightmarish scheme of a deranged sociopath who has at present wrecked not one but 2 lives.
And what he couldn't give me, oh, no
Was the one little thing that you can"
A Man LIFE! A REAL SENTIENT Human being LIFE THAT IS Non INCIDENTAL TO ALL OF THIS!
The all-time you can say about that is that information technology's not technically illegal, and that leather-jacket man probably should have been responsible for his own birth control. Or, at the very least, asked more questions .
Only ... it's not cute. It's non romantic (even the Wilson sisters themselves concur).
And at the end of the solar day, the shadiest character in this song is somehow not the rain-soaked hitchhiker wandering to nowhere in the night.
Which... is maxim something.
But there is a love song that is truly, madly, deeply perfect. An unassailable rail in a sea of problematic faves.
A song that does everything right.
A song that paints a portrait of a salubrious partnership congenital to concluding.
A song that can double as a manual for the platonic human romantic relationship.
And that song is...
"Processed Shop," past 50 Cent, featuring Olivia
Here's why you lot might be — OK, almost definitely are — skeptical:
50 Cent (L) and that guy. You know, that guy? That guy! Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images.
Equally catchy equally "Candy Shop" is, equally fun information technology is to trip the light fantastic toe to, and as cathartic every bit information technology tin be to scream in the centre of a crowded fraternity house at two a.grand., there'southward no getting around the fact that the song begins like this:
I'll have you lot to the processed shop
I'll allow yous lick the lollipop
I'll postal service that once again, in case you missed some of the nuance:
I'll accept you to the candy store
I'll let you lick the lollipop
Way to take 1 for the team, narrator of "Candy Shop"!
At first glance, "Candy Shop" is nobody'south idea of a classic love song.
The lyrics are ... unusually forward. The trounce is kinda basic. The hook is like the music they play when Abu Nazir sidles scarily by in "Homeland."
OooooOOOOoooooOOOo. GIF from "Homeland."
Information technology doesn't get played much anymore. When it does resurface, it feels ... kinda dated. Similar watching that DVD of "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Burn down" on your new Xbox 360.
It's non a song you'd put on a mixtape for your crush. It's not a vocal you'd play for your spouse when the kids are at home with the bodyguard and you've got 9 hours to tear upwards the Piscataway Hampton Inn. It's certainly non a song you'd include on the video photo montage you fabricated for your grandparents' silver ceremony.
Information technology's but not.
But it should be.
And then hither it is. Here's why "Candy Store" by fifty Cent, featuring Olivia, is actually the perfect relationship song:
You wanna back that thing up or should I push up on it? Photograph past ionasnicolae/Pixabay.
The bass pulsate hits. The MIDI violins whine. The vocaliser starts filling out his fellatio permission skid. It'due south only been 20 seconds, and yous're already getting set up to hang it up with "Processed Shop."
But then ... over the square thrum and the mewling strings, a miracle occurs — in the class of a female voice joining the rail, cutting through the din like a clarion call.
She sings:
I'll take you to the processed shop (yes)
Boy, ane taste of what I got (uh-huh)
I'll accept you lot spendin' all yous got (come on)
Keep going 'til you hit the spot, whoa
It'due south mutual! It'due south mutual! They're performing oral sex on each other!
Ring the bells! Bang the drums! Release the doves!
Go, cunnilingus doves, go! Photo past liz west/Flickr.
50 Cent himself may not be the globe's greatest partner — for example, according to one of his exes, he's done some pretty unforgivable things.
But the narrator of "Candy Shop"? He gets it:
You lot could have it your fashion, how practise you want it?
Rather than only imposing his desires on the person he's with — a la the dude in "God Only Knows ("I'one thousand going to invest my entire sense of cocky-worth in you!") or the street heckler in "Treasure" ("I'm going to care for y'all like a chest full of gold doubloons!") or the sociopath in "All I Wanna Exercise is Brand Honey to You lot," ("I'm going to flim-flam you into knocking me upwardly!") — the "Candy Store" guy really asks his partner what she wants.
Which, in the earth of popular music, is good for about 50,000 trillion points.
And where are they going to do it? The hotel? Back of the rental? The embankment? The park?
It's whatever you're into
'Cause consent is sexy!
I ain't finished teaching you 'bout how sprung I got ya
The narrator of "Candy Shop" is certainly ... assertive near his desires.
But here'due south the key thing: the lady on the receiving end of those desires? She'due south clearly into information technology. And we know this because she says so.
The lines of consent in "Candy Shop" are vivid blood-red, highlighted, and soldered into the weirdly viscid club floor.
Meanwhile, Robin Thicke is outside trying to convince the bouncer that his uncle is a lawyer. Photo by Grim23/Wikimedia Commons.
Girl what we do ...
And where nosotros do ...
The things we do ...
Are just between me and y'all
No matter how nasty they freak, it will exist intimate. It will be private. There will be no revenge porn (the epilogue to "Blurred Lines," to wit, would definitely be a protracted, emotionally devastating lawsuit).
If y'all exist a nympho, I'll be a nympho
Sexual compatibility is key to the survival of any relationship, whether years, weeks, or (very perchance in the case of "Candy Shop") minutes long.
She may accept a loftier sex drive, only dude is graciously offer to arrange her. What a gentleman! These crazy kids just might go the distance subsequently all.
And at the finish of the twenty-four hour period, what is a relationship just two nymphos, sharing health insurance?
Thanks, Obamacare! Photo by Wonderlane/Flickr.
It's like information technology's a race who could get undressed quicker
Again, everybody is having a great time. And, critically, an equally great fourth dimension.
I bear on the right spot at the correct fourth dimension
Of course, information technology wouldn't be a pop/hip-hop hit without a spot of random braggadocio, but if we're to take him at his word, "Candy Shop" guy is at least every bit good at "doing everything correct" as the anonymous hitchhiker from "All I Wanna Do is Make Love to You" — except without all the creepy surprise baby nonsense.
The "Candy Shop" guy is a keeper. Considering he's not a hero or a stranger in the night or a funky, shimmering love god. He'southward a skillful partner.
"Candy Shop" is raunchy. It's dirty. Information technology'southward not your grandmother'southward dearest song.
But when yous strip away the swagger, the back beat, and the weird strings from "Best of Public Domain Eye Eastern Music 1993," past the end of the song, both people are satisfied. And at the stop of the day, isn't that what a good for you relationship is all about?
Yeah.
Uh-huh.
Photo by Francois Durand/Getty Images.
So seductive.
Source: https://www.upworthy.com/6-songs-that-seem-romantic-but-arent-and-one-that-seems-like-it-isnt-but-is
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